9.
A.I learned that a poorly worded apology can result in lasting anger. B.Righting a wrong can be especially challenging when it involves family members,who may be inclined to cite histo ry as an excuse for hurtful behavior. C.I suggest apologizing for your own part in the incident,however small it may be. D.I recently discovered that a sincere apology can be a powerful medicine with surprising value for the giver as well as he recipient. E.The best apologies are short and don't include explanations that can undo them F.And even when an apology is offered with the best of intentions,it can be seriously undermined by the way in which it is worded |
Most people say"I'm sorry"many times a day fora host of trivial affronts-accidentallybumping into someone or failing to hold open a door.These apologies are easy and usually readily accepted,often with a response like,"No problem."However,when"I'm sorry"are the words needed to right truly hurtful words,acts or inaction,they can be the hardest ones to say. (67)F.
(68)D.After learning that a neighbor who had assaulted me verbally was angry about an oversight I was not aware I had committed,I wrote a letter in the hope of ending the hostility.Without offering any excuses,I apologized for my overnight in etiquette and respect.I said I was not asking for or expecting forgiveness.Then I delivered the letter with a jar of my homemade jam.Expecting nothing in return,I was greatly relieved when my doorbell rang and the neighbor thanked me warmly for what I had said and done.
According to psychologist Harriet Lerner,apologies followed by rationalizations are"never satisfying"and can even be harmful.When"but"is tagged onto an apology,it's an excuse that counters the sincerity of the original message. (69)E,"she wrote in her new book Why Won't You Apologize?
Nor should a request for forgiveness be part of an apology.The offended party may accept a sincere apology but still be unready to forgive the mistake.Forgiveness,should it come,may depend on a demonstration going forward that offense will not be repeated.
(70)B.History can be used as an explanation,not an excuse.It should involve a conversation that allows the hurt party to express anger and pain if an apology,however sincere,is to heal a broken connection,"Lerner said.
"I'm sorry"are the two most healing words in the English language.Knowing how to say"I'm sorry"is an ability to take a clear look at how our behavior affects others and to assume responsibility for acting at another person's expense.